


Can I try again?

by nightimedreamer



Series: Carry on Countdown 2020 [5]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Rain, Songfic, mitski - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:14:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27846698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightimedreamer/pseuds/nightimedreamer
Summary: Sharing a room at the top of a tower with Baz makes sense. Always has. Being his enemy not so much, but it was right, wasn’t it? At least that’s what I’ve always thought.It doesn’t make so much sense anymore.Kissinghim is what makes the least sense of all.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Carry on Countdown 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027081
Comments: 18
Kudos: 90
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2020





	Can I try again?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Here's a short, sweet ficlet for the COC, day 8: Rain!  
> I had no ideas for today, so you get a short songfic inspired by Mitski's _Pink in the night._  
>  Enjoy 😊💞

I’ve been staring at Baz’s back for what feels like forever. 

It’s raining outside, patting down on the roof, on the windows. Mine is open slightly, just a crack, but it’s enough that some drops come in with the chilly wind, hitting my face and arms and bare back. 

It feels good over my too hot skin, the gentle rain. I almost want to open the window all the way and stick my head out, let the water soak through my hair, dampen my clothes, and just  _ maybe _ bring me back some sense.

Because nothing makes sense, right now, if it ever did. 

Sharing a room at the top of a tower with Baz makes sense. Always has. Being his enemy not so much, but it was right, wasn’t it? At least that’s what I’ve always thought. 

It doesn’t make so much sense anymore. 

_ Kissing  _ him is what makes the least sense of all.

Though I guess I didn’t kiss him at all, did I? I was just standing there, frozen in place like an idiot, while Baz pressed his lips to mine. It was almost sweet, if it could be anything. 

It was also really quick. Just a peck, a brush of lips, a rush of cedar and bergamot and warmth. Then he drew back, eyes wide, and said nothing before walking away. 

I still don’t know what to make of that. What does it even  _ mean?  _ I’ve been up all night thinking about it, about Baz. Staring at his back, because he didn’t spare me a glance since he got into the room; just bundled up under his covers and turned to face the wall.

Anyway, no, not the  _ kissing him, _ exactly.  _ Him  _ kissing  _ me  _ feels more accurate. I can’t fathom why he’d want to do that. We were fighting, and suddenly he just… cupped my face. Tipped his head forward. And then he was kissing me, and I wasn't thinking anymore. Or moving. So maybe it was just a tactic to stun me out of fighting mode. 

Also, me wanting to kiss him. Again, that is. This  _ definitely  _ doesn’t make any sense. Except… 

To be quite honest, it’s possible I’ve thought about it before. Kissing Baz. 

The rain patters on, in tandem with my heart. The sky is clearing up now, save for the grey clouds. I look up, outside, beyond the drops falling on my face. They’re the colors of his eyes. 

I listen to the pouring rain. Ebb says the rain knows things—that there are spirits traveling in the drops, following the water cycle, just as there are spirits in the trees and in the rivers and on the ground. So, I pay attention and try to understand what the rain is telling me. 

I can't make out a thing, but at least the soft sound helps calming down my racing heart. 

_Pit-pat,_ the drops fall. It sounds like a heart breaking. (Could it be mine?) (I wonder if he hears it too. Not unlikely.) 

_Pit-pat._ It sounds like things I can't have, a whole list of them. I'm still staring at Baz's back, and I feel like I could go on forever. 

_Pit-pat,_ the rain sings. _I love you, I love you, I love you..._

Baz rolls over on his bed, turning to face me for the first time. His eyes widen a bit when he realises I'm awake. We just stare at each other for a second. 

"Hey," I say, so quietly that he could just pretend not to listen.

"Snow," Baz frowns. "Why are you awake?" _Why are you staring at me like a creep?_ He doesn't ask, but I can hear the question on his voice. 

I shrug. "Couldn't turn my mind off. I was just thinking... About yesterday." 

He tenses, then, sitting up. 

I get up, crossing the distance between our beds hesitantly. He eyes me warily as I stand by the foot of his bed. 

"Can I sit down?" I ask, but I don't wait for his answer before plopping down beside him on the mattress. He scowls at me, scandalized. 

"What are you _doing_ , you menace?" 

"Why did you kiss me?" I blurt out. 

Baz looks away, avoiding my eyes. His face is carefully blank. "What kind of question is that?" 

"Just _why?"_

"If I say I did it because I wanted to, are you going to leave me alone?" 

A grin spreads slowly over my face. "No." 

He quirks an eyebrow at me. " _No_?"

"No," I hesitate, my heart beating hard against my ribcage. "I'd ask you to do it again. If you want to, that is." 

Baz's eyebrows go up so high on his face, they almost disappear into his hairline. "You... Do you _want_ me to kiss you?" 

"Yeah." The answer comes easily. "I guess... I've wanted this for a while. I mean..." I take a deep breath, scooting closer to him. "I know we already did it once. But I want to try again. I didn't do it—"

I'm cut off by Baz's perfect lips on mine. A quick press, like a question, and then he pulls back, looking at my face, expectantly. 

"—right." I stare at him, dumbfounded. Baz just smirks. 

"What about now?" 

"I-I wasn't ready," I stammer, my face warming up when he laughs. "Can I try again?" 

"You may." 

So I kiss him this time. Make it a real kiss, our lips moving slowly together. It's clumsy, a bit sloppy, to be honest. It makes me wonder if the reason Baz's previous kisses we're so quick is because he _doesn't know_ how to kiss. I smile against his lips. 

"What?" He asks, feeling my smile. 

"Nothing," I shrug. "It's just... You're not such a good kisser, are you?" 

He snorts, shaking his head. "That way, you won't get me to kiss you again." 

I kiss his cheek, instead, and the crease his lips form when he smiles. He's _smiling_. I'm smiling, too, and I can't stop. 

"You just need practice," I mumble, pecking at his lips again. "We can try again."

So we do.

_Again._

_Again._

_Again._

_And again._

_And again._

_And again._

It rains all day long. 

**Author's Note:**

> You can always find me on Tumblr at [nightimedreamersworld](https://nightimedreamersworld.tumblr.com/)


End file.
